yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
