Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
