i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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