filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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