He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Sorry my hands just texted you
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Randomize
