i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
