better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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