I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
