Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
