i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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