I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
