literally had 100 drinks last night.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
