i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
