she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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