SEEEEXXX PLEASE
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
you had me at cake vodka
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
