Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
