it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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