I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
