bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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