Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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