Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize