Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
