is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
