Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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