Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
