I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
