I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
