she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
