She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
