I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Panties = found
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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