I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
