38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
