We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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