Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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