Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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