I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
