I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
