You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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