I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
