I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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