my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
