Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It's shark week go big or go home
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
