THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
MIDGETS
????
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
