Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize
