she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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