I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
