theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
