I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
