Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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