I like to think it a success when the cops are called
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
