So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
