she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
