he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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