he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
