We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
