I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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