Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
