Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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