Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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