I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
nutella sex= disaster
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
