Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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