It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize
