i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
