No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
