this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
