everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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