4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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