Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
