I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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