so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The air was thick with penises
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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