i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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