just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
