STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
