i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
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