WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
