dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Reggie can tackle my bush.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
