dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize