one might say we're banned from that church
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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