I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like giving head to a cactus.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize