sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
